The old paper

This page used to be intended for my artistic endeavours, but then I realised that it’s a layout I really like, so now it’s a mashup of what previously was the “artsy” page, the “rambling” page and the “recipes” page. This way my site has three main aesthetics I really like, rather than about five that I’m mildly pleased with. In the future I’m actually considering moving everything but for the vampires page of off neocities, which would leave me with the possibility to actually make things fully cohesive.
The general design of this page is based on "Ny Illustrerad Tidning", which as I'm realising is oddly specific since it could be literally any newspaper design. Illustrerad Tidning is a newspaper that ran from 1865 until 1900. By pure luck I found all editions from 1884 in a nice little book at a local second hand store. It's one of my most valued possessions, and has impeccable aesthetics.
I'll try to source a fair share, if not all, of the images I do not create myself for these pages from that book. So, if nothing else is stated, everything is from there or made by me. I'm also planning on translating some of the articles from the paper and putting them here in an easy-to-read and accessible format. Partially as an archival effort, but also because there's some interesting and absurd things to read about. Topics range from art reviews to unmarried women being granted the status of full adults once they hit 25 years old, as well as that one time they poured oil on the Themes so it'd be still in a storm. History is fascinating.

The one thousand years old rose bush on the dôme in Hildesheim

Now, as in Louis the Pious's days, a grand plant can be seen climbing and blooming on the half-round chapel in the graveyard of the Hildesheim cathedral. Here, the one thousand year old rose is protected from strong winds by the grand walls of the temple.
If it was not a well-known fact that the wild rose can grow and prosper on old walls for many generations this strange bush could reasonably give wake to a lot of superstitions. There is completely credible information about its age dating back to the eleventh century. When Bishop Hezilo (died 1079) rebuilt the cathedral after a fire he ordered for the unscathed rose to be “carefully cared for, as it is a memory of bygone times”.
During the construction work the roots and branches were covered by a brick pipe [I’m not certain this is what they mean] which did leave enough room for air and light to come through and keep the rose alive, and when the tower was completed in 1120 the rose was led up its walls.
The roots lay deep below the church and the stem has grown out from under the two meters thick wall. Many people who have visited the cathedral have uttered the opinion that the church personnel ought to plant some of the shoots in order to maintain the oddity. However, the fresh shoots on old stems shows that the rose is hardy enough on its own accord.
The tale of the ancient plant goes as follows: Louis the Pious had visited the forests where Hildesheim now stands to hunt. Upon trying to cross the river he lost his horse as well as his hounds. He had left those he traveled with, and so he blew his horn in a fruitless attempt to inform them of his whereabouts. All alone he fell to his knees to pray, and then into a deep slumber. He’d hung a holy sword he carried with him on a rose bush. When he woke, the ground was covered in snow, yet the rose had fresh blooms. If this happened in the spring or late fall this is fairly easily explained. The king, however, believed it to be a miracle, and upon the rest of his hunting party reuniting with him when he blew his horn again he declared the place where the rose grew fit for a new chapel. The bush must already have been strong, seeing as the roots did not get destroyed by the original building being built.



[Despite the cathedral being severely damaged in the second world war, the rose still stands to this day. I’m not christian, but I’ll admit this is one of few stories that makes me wonder if I ought to be. The same image that can be found in my book is also linked in the Wikipedia article, in case you want to see a higher quality version.]

Translation of: Den tusenåriga rosenbusken på dômen i Hildesheim. Illustrerad Tidning 1884-03-08

If I were a poet

I was asked about what I'd write about if I was a poet. I realised that the answer was that I probably would write about love (despite being aromantic), so I made this piece.

The zine combines drawings with some text, though it is short and sweet, so to say. The drawings are of 50s or so models and movie stars (or at least is in that general style), which is intended to illustrate that the subject matter of choice is a bit old & stale, but still pretty to look at.

Det måste finnas en väg ut ur det här samhället by Göran Greider

This book resonates deeply with me. It begins with a recollection of Greiders youth, and the reasons he became a socialist. While not entirely relatable to me (I was born ca 30 years after the events he speaks of), it is insightful and interests me to look at the parallels in how I ended up being a socialist. After that, he gets into the nitty gritty of the double crisis (financial and climate), which makes for an interesting read. These are things that I've studied, to some extent, as well as things that I've had a deep interest in since I was a pre-teen. His analysis is great and he brings up things I hadn't considered, as well as things I had a hard time to put into words.
Aside from the contents in and of itself I love the way that Greider writes. Reading this book reminded me that I ought to read (and write) more Swedish texts. I can tell that there is some overlap in the media we've consumed, or at least the kind of writing styles we enjoy. His style is classical in a way that a 2000s-kid (such as myself) would see it, and the way that his sentences sometimes nearly are too long really resonates with me, in case that isn't obvious. I always see that as an ache to put as much as possible information down, and it really sparks joy.

Written sometime 2023

Dream cake recipe

A cake that is fairly easy to make, and that always is appreciated by my family! Some simple modifications makes it a great yuletide treat :) The original recipe is better formatted than mine is. I reccomend it if you know swedish.

Ingredients

there are two aspects to this cake, the cake itself and the buttercream. Make sure you read through all ingredients!

Cake

• 3 eggs
• 1.5 dl sugar
• 0.75 (3/4th) dl potato flour
• 2 tbsp cocoa
• 1 tsp baking powder

Butter cream

• 100g butter
• 2d dl icing sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla sugar
• 1 egg yolk

Materials needed are two (or three, if you're willing to wash that many) bowls, a mixer, a baking tray, baking paper (non-stick spray doesn't work all that well from what I've seen), and a knife or spatula! You'll also need an oven.

How to cook

Begin by putting your oven to 250 degrees Celcius.

Mix the egg and sugar until it's fluffy. Seperately mix flour, cocoa and baking powder. Carefully mix the two together. Put it onto your baking paper in your baking tray. Cook in the oven for 5 minutes
(I've noticed that the top of the cake will get slightly burned. However, I just peel that off and snack on it as i make my butter cream)

For the butter cream, mix the icing sugar with the butter, until fluffy. I tend to want my butter to be soft, and as I'm impatient I melt it halfway. Mix in vanilla sugar and the egg yolk.

Flip your cake onto a sugared surface, so that one side gets coated nicely in sugar. Spread the cream onto the cake, and roll it. You'll want to roll from one of the longer ends. Let it cool before serving (or don't, I'm not your mum)

In order to make it more festive you can add cinnamon or gingerbread spices into the butter cream. For a cute look, I sometimes sprinkle icing sugar on top, and add snowflake sprinkles. Cute and delicious!

Poem of the month

Om så det skulle hända,
att ingen talar till mig alls;
vart skall jag då mig vända,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vafalls?

Jag då skall tala till-mig-själv,
och jag skall sjunga för-mig-själv,
och jag skall dansa med-mig-själv
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . en vals.

Epiphyllum Oxypetalum

The queen of the night, otherwise known as True night blooming cereus, the Dutchman’s pipe cactus or Epiphyllum oxypetalum, has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. My grandmother has a great specimen in one of her windows, which she got from a castle nearby. I always thought it was strange and somewhat spooky looking, in all its spindly glory, but in an intriguing way. I spent many evenings reading comic books right under its unsettling form, and today I have my own specimen that came from one of her very cuttings. I even had the fortune to be visiting one night when it happened to bloom - the only time it has, as far as I’ve been told.
Ever since I originally wrote this little essay I’ve grown even more enamoured with the Epiphyllum oxypetalum, to the extent where I’ve been told my long-winded rambling about it is “borderline erotic” because I get so excited. Honestly, I take that as a compliment - is there anything to be more proud of than being truly passionate about something?

What is individual action?

We recently had a conversation about personal responsibility in regards to sustainability in class. The discussion is very relevant to us seeing as we’re studying big-scale change, but still struggled to find action that was not reliant on the actions of an individual. It got me thinking a little bit, and I found myself wondering what even differentiates individual action.
Upon consideration you’ll most likely find that no matter what you’re hoping to get done there is an individual somewhere necessary for it to happen. Even the largest companies have an individual in the lead. Large-scale change also mainly regards individual action in the end — a free train ride is only relevant because it affects multiple individuals lives. Where do we draw the line?
The simple answer may be that “individual” isn’t a question of “is it a person?”, but about power. If your action is likely to affect people on a large scale because you have power over them, it’s not an “individual action” even if it looks like it at first glance.
This manner of seeing things is less useful to analyze the starting actions of a problem than to find out what we can change to solve problems without individualizing things. If we ask individuals to stop buying electric cars, for example, that may be helpful on some level, but we’re not getting to the source of the problem. Instead, we can see who has power to do large-scale change and how we can affect those people. Say, demanding that policy makers disallow the making of new non-electric cars. [not that they are without issue. Trust me, I know.]
Now, power relations are never just black and white. In this case, you’re most likely in some gray zone of power. Your actions may be causing ripple effects elsewhere that you are vaguely aware of. To that I say, it may be a gray zone. Power also regards the ability to make different choices. If your only option has large negative consequences you may not be the cause, but the middle man.
Furthermore, you may have the ability to cause change higher up in the pecking order. Be that by voting or other means, if you live in a democracy you are likely to have some level of say. It’s most likely very difficult, but not wholly impossible… If you don’t live in a democracy (or if you do but are tired. So, so tired…) remember that everything has a counter. The people who have a say, who aren’t doing individual actions by this definition, have a main vulnerability in the form of large amounts of co-individual action.
It is also worth clarifying that I’m not saying individual action is pointless. Far from it, I do what I can to be environmentally friendly and so forth. If nothing else it affects your life, usually in surprisingly positive ways. I do also encourage you to consider who is able to act non-individually. How can we change their minds, or alternatively, remove some of their control? Community building, grassroots activism and such are interesting to look into.
Finally, I’m not French, but…
[This is all just from my brain. Take it with a small bowl of salt]

Written 10/10/24

Hon vars hjärta var som mitt by Göran Greider

This book tells the story of Dan Andersson -- a Swedish poet (and, as it happens, my favorite poet overall) -- and his lover, Märta Larsson. The story is based on historical events, but Greider took the liberty to tell it in a manner that is more akin to a love story. As such, the events depicted may vary in accuracy. This, as far as I'm concerned, was the absolute right decision to make. The end result is incredibly sweet, and really lets the tragedy of it all shine. Besides, there have been many academic retellings of Dan Anderssons life and will likely be more to come. While they most definitely have both a place and a charm, the unique approach really makes this book stick out from the rest.

Poem of the month

Oss göres inte tiden lång,
vi älskar färg och munter sång
och kärleks ömma låga
allt till vår bleka död.
Hej, Rembrandt, passa och belägg,
vi målar på din gamla vägg
vår andes ros och ranka,
Bianca, vit och röd.

Oss göres inte sorgen tung,
en målare är evigt ung
i terpentinens ånga
vid oljans blanka flod.
Ack, stanna och betänk, min vän,
och tacka sedan målaren
för allt hans trogna pensel
din slitna själ bestod.

Oss gives guld – på röda band
då penseln faller ur vår hand
och höstens ljus förtonar
på körgårns järnstaket.
Då får vi evig kondition,
att måla Herrens vita tron
och himlens röda gårdar
i kvällars salighet.

Awakening to the Blob: How The Media Mediates Our Lives

This was a really interesting read, because it's a question I've found myself thinking about a lot: that feeling of always needing to be "on display" that comes with modern-day social media. However, I don't think I fully agree with the "doomerist" tone this article ended up having. Sure, we can make it sound incredibly bleak that humans like to show ourselves off to our peers, but aren't we social creatures? The framing of wanting attention as something negative really strikes me the wrong way. Life is a long performance in a lot of ways! That's not a bad thing, I think. I find wanting to create lasting memories and share our successes to be something deeply... cute? about humans.
That's not to say that there's no point to what the article brings up. I think that some performances ought to be private, if that makes sense, and others ought to remain off-screen. I don't want to be recorded on the bus. I don't need to make myself into a brand. But I do think I'll always perform, because I am human and I have friends. Anyway, the book that's being spoken about sounds very interesting and I may find myself reading it someday. We'll see! The article was generally thought-provoking even if it didn't sit perfectly with me. I reccomend giving it a read!

Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier

I came across this book by complete chance as I was looking for fabrics in a local second hand shop. I thought the name ("När änglar faller" in Swedish) sounded mildly interesting, and the back of the book was nice. I was surprised to find that the book I pulled out was written by the same woman who wrote the book about the girl with the pearl earring that I read when I was about twelve. That book was a bit over my maturity level at that point, but I really did love it, so of course I bought this one too. Besides, it was just 27 kr...

The missing piece is a soft sheen

We’re all aware of the issues that come with endless algorithms and never putting our phones down. It’s a subject that’s been beaten to death twice over. We know that it’s the lack of third spaces or an addiction or maybe just it sneaking up on us that causes it. Yet here I am, digging up the dead horse, baton in hand. I just want to think a bit (in text) about what this endless internet usage and all the options mean to me personally. Maybe that way I can “fix” myself?
So, to start, I recently watched this video. It’s about an hour and a haf, and a great watch throughout in my opinion, but one part towards the end sticks out to me: the mention of loneliness. Now, I am not a lonely person (neither is the videographer). I have a large family and friends I love. However, I do live alone with two cats. A large part of my day is spent in solitude. I love this solitude on a calm morning before uni or when I’m working from home. I love it when I am on my 52nd hour of coding over the course of three days. I love it a lot of the time! Yet, I can’t help but notice that the main reason I am on youtube most days is simply because I feel like there is a gap that needs to be filled somehow. It feels a lot like loneliness.
About this time last year I went to my first ever LARP. It was over a weekend and even then just one day when everyone I interacted with was fully in character. While it was the most fun I think I’ve ever had (though majorly stressful as far as new experiences go) there was an unexpected side-result of that weekend. My screen time, previously at many hours a day, dropped to an average of one to two hours. This was after the LARP (during it was at 0 for obvious reasons) and with the added information that my phone still was being used for music, my train ticket and my calendar. All pretty (screen) time-consuming uses, showing that my phone barely was used for scrolling at all! That lasted much longer than I had expected, only really rising again after a really rough spot in my life about half a year later, and even then not rising to anything near what it was for longer periods of time.
So, how come? How could that short weekend make me give it up for so long? I can’t say for completely certain, but I think it boils down to how pointless my phone felt after it. That weekend was enshrouded in the same soft sheen that also characterised the long evenings of my childhood, spent falling asleep while listening to my family – aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, friends and cousins, spend hours upon hours switching between talking and singing together. The shifts between laughnig and the hush of topics that were more serious than the ones that came before. Yet another song. As a child this played out in the beautiful living room my mum put together – baby blue wallpapers with flowers and a roccoco-esque couch set that she may have gotten surprisingly cheap, but that felt fit for a king – or around a campfire, much like at the LARP many years later.
This soft sheen still seems to linger behind every project I pick up, but now that I’ve started putting it into words it may be easier to chase. It may be silly or sound snobby, but I truly think that beauty is essential for my life to feel meaningful. Beauty in many forms, from making my environment feel like havens of sorts, to making sure that I spend enough time singing with the people I love. If my life is filled with that, picking up my phone will probably continue to feel as pointless as it did after going to that LARP. Because, the solitude isnt’ the issue. How could I love it so much if it, soley, was? The times I love the solitude all share that sheen, though, and company is a quick way to re-gain it. A lot of the examples I immediately think of as far as the sheen goes are just quality time with those I love.
I am noticing I am getting off-track. This thought process is growing beyond the scope of what I wanted to write and I need to finish it before I get too ahead of myself. However, it very actively ended up circling back to some thoughts on hedonism (or epicureanism) I’ve been sitting on for years at this point. I guess it’s time to head back down that train of tohoughts. Until then!

Written 14/8/25

From my sketchbook: installment one

I mostly draw in my sketchbook, so I figured I may as well show off the things I make there, too.

The picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

This book really fits with my neurosises. I am a bit too keen on aesthetics, and as such it felt… almost damning. I have found myself immensely invested in how people dress and hold themselves ever since I began this particular read, and not always in a very positive way. However, it has also had a somewhat impact in making me dress better, even when I have had less energy than usual. Is that the moral of the story? No way. I saw Dorian's mental and moral decline and it seems I went “well, it’s not like I have a painting in the attic”.

Written 13/11/24

Frode's choco cups

This is a very fast recipe based on chocolate balls! It's convenient to make if you want a small snack. Hopefully you'll like it!

Ingredients

• 30g butter
• 1 tbsp cocoa
• 1 tbsp cocoa
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla sugar
• 1 dl oats
• optionally 1 tbsp of liquid, like coffee, milk or just water

Materials needed are one cup, and a microwave (or stovetop if no microwave is available)! Simple as that :)

How to cook

Melt the butter. Put all ingredients but the oats and liquid in the butter and mix. Put the oats in, and put the liquid in if you want to. Mix again.
You're done! Hopefully you enjoy your snack!

Everyone needs to grow up

Yet another interesting read that delves deeper into the current infantilisation of ourselves and each other. I think this was an important read, and it did make me think another round about my own and others behaviours. I tend to avoid infantalising myself, but do often end up doing some odd baby talk in english. "Eepy tired" is a reccuring phrase, for reasons I think are well explained in this article - it removes the responsibility for my exhaustion from myself, and as such it makes me a victim to circumstances rather than someone who fucked up trying to go to bed yesterday.
Idk that there is much more for me to say about this. I liked the take and the perspective on right-wing views vs infantilising ourselves. It linked other articles that seemed interesting. It made me remember how annoying the phenomena is. One thing I could have seen being relevant is to add the prevalence of it among the middle-left middle class. I think that is the group that has the greatest... possibility? to even do it aside from the right-wing people in the ways already mentioned. Give it a read and tell me what you think!